Ring Lardner's Armistice Day Column

Apparently, Ring Lardner did not consider the Armistice the world-shaking event that everyone else did.  MH

CHICAGO TRIBUNE, NOVEMBER 12, 1918

Friend Harvey:

Well, Harvey, I come in the office this A.M. and everybody had a leer on their face and I was the only one that wasn’t grinning and the day city editor ask me what the hell so I said everybody in the world only me is getting a day off but I have to write something just like any other day. So he says what have you got to write something for? So I said I have got to write my regular stuff for the sporting page. So he said and who and the hell is going to read the sporting page tomorrow morning and you certainly are flattering yourself. Because in the 1st. place the people that’s still able to read yet tomorrow morning will be tray few and those that is will never get past Page 1 without falling asleep. Further and more if you think you have got a tough job how would you like to be a traffic policeman?

So after all, Harvey, it looks like I had a cinch and as long as they won’t nobody only you read this what is the difference what I write but still and all I know you want the page filled up with something so I will write out a few verses that have come to me without no effort on my part.

 

I suppose the crown prince feels miserable today,

Both him and his pop,

But how would you like to be

A Chicago traffic cop?

I am glad I am an American,

But I wouldn’t mind being a Frenchman or wop,

But I certainly would feel miserable

If I were a Chicago traffic cop.

Usually when they blow two whistles

The north and south traffic will stop,

But on a day like this they can blow their heads off

And nobody pays any attention to

The Chicago traffic cop.

R. W. L.